You can contribute tributes by emailing Amy Langrehr at alangrehr@friendsbalt.org
 

When I encountered Tom on any given day, he would always say," Sir, I have something for you to know so you can tell people something more about the school. Some days, it would be that the boys were better at square dancing in the 7^th grade than the previous year. Another time, he would tell me of a family for whom he thought should learn about Friends. Another time, he would ask me if the money donated for trees near the football field had been spent yet and other times he would tell me something that happened at his farm. He knew that I cared about his farm and its place in his life, and since I bought firewood from him a few times, he always wanted me to come and buy more. The point here is that Tom liked to share ideas and it is this loss that many of us feel now that he is not with us.

Tad Jacks

One of many images of Tom LaMonica that comes to mind is a set of motivational talking points Tom displayed on his office wall. Initially intimidated by his no-nonsense approach and gym-class power drills, I followed the lead of classmates who knew Tom best – they'd figured out how to draw on his combination of wisdom and humor. I was a sucker for those motivational messages on his walls and still think of them. One message cautioned you not to take on challenges that are so wildly unattainable it becomes easy to quit and blame everything on the challenge's difficulty. Instead, it said, follow through toward a more realistic goal.

I appreciated being allowed to participate in conditioning work for the wrestling program in 9^th grade, despite being clueless, and how the conditioning and Tom's insights were the basis to start training toward new goals in a different sport. One of Tom's great lessons was his mantra that all too often we'll have to do things we want no part of doing. Might as well get used to it now, he'd say. On a frustrating day, I still think of that advice. More than that, I recall how funny he was, how he mixed laughter with toughness and left a lasting impression on so many people through the course of a couple school generations.

Mike Lurie '81

As my friends know, I grew up in with a single mom, and often Tom got to be a "father figure" for me.  There are so many stories from working on the farm and wrestling.  Eli Balser and Chris Vaughn are a part of many of them.

On a serious note, the single most important life lesson I ever learned came from Tom. "If you don't try your hardest, you are only cheating yourself".  Tom knew enough about my difficult personality and lack of respect for authority that he never micromanaged me. It was up to me to do the right thing, try hard, and hopefully succeed. This has carried me far in life (much further then tucking in a shirt or parking in the correct location.)  I owe a lot to Tom.

Another Tom-ism - when asked to write a recommendation, he always said write it yourself and if it's right, I will sign it.  Although this could have been pure laziness on his part, I also think it called for a bit of introspection and was helpful. He did write me a real evaluation when I applied for Veterinary School.

I have many fond memories of working on the farm - sleeping in a horse stall, bathing in the pond daily.  After Chris Vaughn and I wrecked the tractor we made the long walk back to the Sheep Shank Shed. Tom's response, among other things said was, "When you make your first million I expect a large donation to the Genesee Valley Outdoor learning Center".  I am sure Chris has paid off the tractor by now.

Andy Lott ‘89

I'm a new 6th grade student at Friends this year  I never really knew Tom but every once in a while when I went to pick up my brother from school, I'd see Tom talking to him and my brother was always smiling when Tom was around.

The day we went to Meeting for Worship to hear about Tom (of course we didn't know it was about him), Mr. Harrington stood up and I could tell somebody had passed.  The thing I did not know was that it was him.  Almost everyone said something and I wanted very much to say something, but I didn't know exactly what to say.  I heard in those twenty minutes how much people loved him, his kind spirit and his sense of humor. I shed one and only one tear which is a lot for someone I didn't know.  He sounds like such a great man and I miss him.  The night he passed, I was too busy arguing with my parents about organization to sense anything bad had happened. But as I laid in my bed, I felt something tingly and I knew someone was gone. Just wish it wasn't him.

 Savannah Brown ‘17

Tom LaMonica was one of the most extraordinary characters that I have ever known. He was reserved but charismatic, idealistic but earthy, a stoic in an age of emotion, and Spartan amid abundance. This curious amalgam was irresistible to generations of Friends prep students, drawing us to Tom's teams and Genesee Valley Farms. He inspired you, he tormented you, and sometimes he bestowed a little bit of quiet praise.  It was pretty good training for adult life. A few memories from the 1976-1980 period.

In the late ‘70s Genesee summers were ruled by Rob Belcher ‘76, the foreman. Belcher was the only non- LaMonican to have a nickname: "Wobble" for his gait, bestowed by Tom's father "Chief." Fence building generated cash flow, firewood production ramped up with the energy crisis and the clearing of land for the third lake, and there were thousands of hay bales to be handled. Eli Johnson, George Ossman, Greg Clark, Paul Bowers, Sabastian Prausnitz, Martin Garcia-Bunuel, and others labored in the heat and humidity.

By about ‘78, Andrea Clark and Liddy Williams (now Garcia-Bunuel) were stalwarts. They got to live in Tom's basement, but other than that they suffered like everyone else for $4-6 per day (I eventually topped out at the princely sum of $8). Stacking in the wagons behind the baler as Tom or Belcher drove the tractor, they "built character" and became, in Tom's high praise, "savages" and even occasionally "rude, crude, lewd, socially unacceptable!"

With all these big dogs it was hard to get time on the heavy equipment, which is what I lived for. So I became a winter sherpa. Given my grievous need for character building, I expected Tom would give me some custom lectures and torments. But an audience of one was not really Tom's thing, especially when that audience had the habit (I cringe as

I write this) of asking questions. So I got to see a quieter and more enigmatic Tom LaMonica. And boy, was he Spartan.

Riding up with Tom on Friday night, we would stop at Raysville Store for bounteous groceries of... a gallon of milk and a loaf of white bread.  After evening chores we would typically eat dinner with Chief and Tom's mother Doris, or "Babe"" The meal was always exactly the same:  spaghetti, an extraordinary fresh sauce she referred to as "gravy", fresh Italian bread with butter, brisket, and banana bread for dessert.  By choosing simplicity, Babe had brought perfection within reach.  I never wanted to eat anything else. Chief would quote from the Kiplinger Washington Letter, adding extensive commentary and peering over his glasses to verify that Tom and I were paying close attention. Some of the most amazing dinner conversations of my life.

Cold days of hauling wagons of corn, grinding corn and hay into feed, loading firewood for sale. Once we began to drive, sometimes Rob Hawley, David Alkire, and Kevin Gott would come up for the day. Some evenings Tom and I had to feed ourselves. He would pull out a block of frozen ground beef and slide it onto the Jenn-Air grill (all actual cuts of meat were reserved for customers, of course). As the block thawed, Tom would shave particles off until he had something like a large disintegrated hamburger. He would plow this into a perfect rectangle then bind it together with slices of just-thawed mozzarella cheese. A glass full of ice cubes and milk and... dinner. Tom called this delicacy "Rogue Elephant" and it was really good. (David Alkire has described a more elaborate version.) Needless to say, there was no dessert. Dessert was the "epitome of weakness"" Except when it was Babe's, in which case Tom stoically managed to eat it with gusto.

I don't think there was a television in the house. If there was, Tom did not watch it. But he always had an exceptional stereo system. (In the summer of 1977, everyone listened to Fleetwood Mac's album Rumours continuously day and night for the entire summer. Whenever we were at the house, Rumours was on the turntable. Loud.) Tom also had a fine Vermont Castings wood stove. Carrying his ice to a chair, Tom would put on Dave Mason or Dave Loggins very loud. He would crunch ice cubes and stare at the stove pensively.

I sensed that Tom was contemplating the end of his bachelor era.

Breakfast was always exactly the same: a glass of ice cubes, filled with milk, and peanut butter on white bread. Jelly? Jelly was "the epitome of bourgeoisie decadence"" Tom would stare out the window, planning his day I assumed. He would crunch through his ice, occasionally reminding me that chewing a glass of ice cubes was far superior to another decadence of the bourgeoisie known as excessive tooth brushing. We would put on our coveralls and insulated boots, mount up on the Jeep, and out into the dark cold landscape we would go. Good times.

Rogue. Savage. Scholar. Gentleman. Tom, I will never forget you.

John Ganter ‘81

I worked with Tom for six short years at Friends, but the friendship that grew from that lasted three decades.  On my annual trips to Baltimore I would usually track Tom down, not a very difficult task as he was either on the Friends campus or at the farm, and we'd simply pick up where we had left off a year or so before.  Tom and I pulled together the first of many lower school camping trips to Genesee in the spring of 1981, using borrowed tents, sleeping bags and the help of a few intrepid parents and lower school teachers.  I recall we got soaked twice by the rain in one afternoon, ate soggy hot dogs for dinner, and spent the night in the barn next to the chickens and cattle.  We held our ground amidst the livestock and survived being the better for the experience (and much more prepared for subsequent trips).  The time working with Tom at Friends and at Genesee has been  of the most rewarding periods in my life.

One of many things that struck me about Tom was that, as an athlete and a coach, he had a tremendous appreciation for the personal growth and rewards that are associated with athletic endeavors.  I think he realized that the less athletically gifted amongst us have an opportunity to achieve those same rewards by working through group trust activities, ropes courses, and adventure activities, and that realization was a significant motivation for the energy and creativity that went into Genesee Valley Outdoor Learning enter.  Tom's  dedication to broadening the horizons of children by providing the means and the encouragement to facilitate their own success was evident in his coaching and the programs that evolved at Genesee.

Tom was a remarkable man who touched the lives of so many in such a positive way.  We will all miss him tremendously.

Bob Williams, Lower School Science Teacher (1980-1986)

Tom is gone too soon. I would have liked to have seen him again.  Most of my fondest memories of my time at Friends involve Tom. He gave me opportunities I doubt that I would have encountered without him, such as driving a tractor, building post and rail fences, feeding cattle, and tossing hay bales. He had trust in the students he allowed to work on his farm. He would give us our assignments and turn us loose. I think that helped me build trust in myself and develop my sense of responsibility. I don't remember ever seeing him mad, even when I drove one of his trucks into a tree and dented the bumper. I can see his smile now, something he could never hide for long, even when he was trying to be serious. I appreciate having had the chance to know him.

Doug Mason '76

Taking 5th graders camping at Genesee Valley Farm was a requirement for teachers as well as students. I observed many miracles while watching kids tackle the obstacle course there. Shy, reluctant children overcame their fears. Followers became leaders and non-athletes proved to be dexterous and strong. Everyone gained something valuable from being around Tom in that environment - even the teachers!!  There is much gratitude in our hearts to Tom LaMonica.

Claire Loecher Ebeling 

Tom's combination of approachable informality, impish humor and indisputable authority was a rare gift. And he never took himself too seriously, though he took the formation of young men and women very seriously.

To add a bit to the memories:

JV lacrosse and the quest for the "perfect game."  I don't remember precisely all that that term meant, but I do remember that it meant in part that we were not allowed simply to run up the score on inferior teams. In a way that was as respectful to the opposition as possible, he would tell us things like, "You may not score until you have passed the ball 20 times," or "You will run this play perfectly, or you may not shoot."  When the game was put safely out of reach, he would sometimes let us try out different positions. In my memory all this was not done as a taunt to the weaker team, but as a way to continue to help us learn something in a game that had turned into a blowout. A big disappointment for me was that a broken leg my senior year kept me from playing Varsity lacrosse with Tom.

And the 8th grade camping trip on the farm remains a golden memory.  I still remember how much I enjoyed digging post holes. It was the only time in my life when I have enjoyed that activity. I also remember the craziness, and fun, of allowing 8th graders into cattle pens to squirt worming medicine into a wriggling calf's unwilling mouth.

I had never wrestled before coming to Friends in the 7th grade--and I ended up playing basketball in Upper School--but somehow I found myself in the wrestling room that first winter, rolled up in wrestling mats and chewing gum and spitting to make weight. I remember my mother's alarm when I told her that Tom said I was going to have to eat less if I was going to be "mean and hungry enough" to be a good wrestler. Only Tom could have made that seem like fun.

Thanks, Tom.

Nick (Morris-) Kliment '81

Some LaMonicisms:

"People spend their whole lives trying to get a lot...only to realize late, it doesn't take much."

"If you cut corners running laps, you'll cut corners in life… And that's unacceptable!"

"No ma'am, thank you.  I don't want anything on my hamburger – I wanna TASTE THE MEAT!"

"If you're gonna go down, make sure you take someone with you!"

"You've got two choices in life:  be a producer or be a parasite."

"No matter how high you get, you'll always have a boss…and the quicker you accept that, the higher you'll get."

"It's a boot drill men…We're gonna keep doin' it until someone boots!"

"It's physics, men.  The greater force delivers the greater blow and receives less pain!"

"Alright men:  Fall out, and fall in on the field hockey bleachers to sing the National Anthem!"

"Katie, bar the door."

"Tickle the twine"

"Move, son, move.  You're killing the grass!"

"Stay awake, stay alive, only the strong survive!"

"Doggone it!  Kiss my cheeks!"

" I don't care who we are playing today, even Ali Khan's Brother, "Trash Khan" ... If their horses are faster than ours - take one with you!"

Larry Smith '83, Dave Alkire '81, Dave Buschman '81, Rob Hawley ‘81

I learned lots of cool stuff at Friends. After spending all day in class, where a succession of highly-qualified teachers would encourage us to expand our intellect and attempt to inculcate us with Quaker ideals, we would troop down to the lower field where Tom would inculcate us with the desire to smack the snot out of each other. This kinda helped put Thursday meeting for worship in perspective. But Coach believed that physical education should contribute to the development of the whole person, so intellectual and moral discourse was a daily part of our regimen. For example:

1) Coach on Newton's Laws of Motion:

An object in motion will remain in motion until acted upon by an object that hits it harder.

Corollary #1: When two objects are in motion, the object that hits the hardest wins.

Corollary #2: An object at rest will remain at rest, if it was hit hard enough.

On game day, mass is constant. Force therefore equals acceleration.

2) Coach on the intellectual life of a Friends School football player:

Don't think, react.

3) Coach on Quaker pacifist ideals:

See, LaMonican Physics, Corollary 2

4) Coach on Life, the Universe, and Everything:

One cold, wet, late fall afternoon, an 11th grader was leaning on his crutches on the sideline next to Coach watching practice, not exactly despondent, but dealing with the reality that the broken ankle suffered covering a punt at Mervo was going to make him miss the whole second half of the season. (We punted a lot‹the quick kick was our most consistently successful offensive play). A teammate sidled up and asked the injured player sarcastically "do you love that cast?" Coach broke in and said, more or less, "Of course he does.  He has to love it, because he doesn't have any other choice."

Those words, which were more carefully chosen than they may seem, sank home.

Fix the pain you can fix, accept the pain you can't. The following season, when down 28-0 in the fourth quarter at Edmonson or Carver or some other school where there were roughly 6.8 billion players suited up on the other sideline hollering "We'll be your Friends!" (greatest school name for a visiting football team ever, huh?), well, the score was the score, but this next play could still be the best play of the game, it was still a play you could make for your teammates, and it was still an opportunity to honor the uniform with your effort.

Funny thing about it: that principle applies to a lot more than high school football. Coaching a winning team is easy. How many coaches, how many people, could make something lasting out of a broken leg in the middle of a winless season?

POTW, Tom.

Andrew Falcon '81

Tom was in my corner from my first wresting match in 1973 until my final match in 1981.  Both matches were first period pins.  Tom said the same thing to me after both matches even though the first was a victory over a scared kid from Calvert School and the last was a crushing defeat in the MSA finals, "Nice match, Busch."  I will never forget him.

Dave Buschman '81

I never played Varsity anything, I didn't play on a team coached by Tom.  He was my sixth grade science teacher and PE instructor for many years.  The motivational speeches escape me, but what doesn't is the memory of him sitting in his office in the dark corner behind the Old Gym with his door open.  He was always willing to talk for a little while before he had to go to practice. He tried to recruit me for wrestling because I was 5'-10" tall and 120 pounds--he believed that I would have leverage on my side if I lost 6 pounds and wrestled in the lower weight class.  I was flattered, but had already found a sport to my liking and it wasn't wrestling.

I saw Tom a few times this summer; my 9-year old daughter attended camp at Genesee Valley.  I walked up to him and introduced myself, not getting a real good idea of whether he recognized me or not (I've seen him at alumni functions over the last 25 years, but I'm not 120 pounds any more.) He shook my hand, made some comment about me having more facial hair and, in kindness, declined to mention that it is turning grey. And, he smiled.

Tom probably never realized that he would influence so many lives.  Maybe he did, since he was very perceptive, but he certainly didn't let on.  For me, he was the kind of person that I strive to be: patient, hard-working, compassionate, and respectful.  But more than that, Tom LaMonica genuinely enjoyed life, as betrayed by his perpetual, casual smile...

Jon Meyers ‘84

I'll never forget the day that I walked into his office and said "Hey, Tom, can I wrestle?"  He didn't blink an eye; there was no shock or surprise in his voice when he answered "Here's the uniform, they're going on a 5-mile run, meet them out front in a few minutes."  He automatically treated me as an equal, as a normal member of the team, even though I was breaking the gender barrier.  Not only did Tom let a girl on the wrestling team, he welcomed her with open arms.  No room for slacking; I was "one of the guys" during the season.  His quiet leadership had a profound influence on me as an athlete, and I will always carry his heartfelt motivational speeches with me wherever life takes me.

Alumna ‘04

I was fortunate enough to go through Friends with Tom and also through our four years at the College of Wooster.  Post college we played lacrosse at the farm for a few years.  We were team mates in football , and lacrosse at Friends as well as at Wooster.  One thing many of you may not know is Tom's connection to a well known movie---We are Marshall. When the Marshall University football team was killed in a plane crash the head football coach from Wooster, Jack Lengyl, was chosen to  rebuild the Marshall program.  Lengyl was also the lacrosse coach.  He left three weeks before the season was to start.  Our senior year would have had no lacrosse had Tom not stepped up and taken the responsibilities as coach.  He would not take no for an answer, overcame many obstacles and we had a team with a winning season that year.  I was fortunate to be able to help him  with the defense.  This was just another example of his willingness to go the extra mile for those around him.

Tom cared.  He wasn't flashy about it.  Didn't wear it on his sleeve.  Didn't preach it.  He quietly lived it.  And we all benefited from it. 

We'll miss you

P O T W

Steve Larson ‘67

As a kindergarten teacher at Friends many moons ago, I would walk the "little ones" to gym and occasionally run into Tom.  He always greeted me with a smile which I gladly reciprocated.  His sense of humor was on par with mine, and we would exchange memorable and amusing snippets about our daily interaction with the children.

I recall one time taking him aside and in a serious manner asked him if, Alex, my daughter  then in upper school and was a fairly good badminton player, had any chance of receiving a scholarship for this sport.  Tom, who was not coaching the activity but watching the event, looked at me inquisitively and finally said, "You are joking, right? "  We both broke into laughter.

My image of Tom will always be of him in his gym uniform consisting of a Friend's shirt and shorts with white socks and sneakers and a whistle necklace wrapped around his neck.  Men like Tom come once in a million.

Anne Nelson

A few more LaMonicisms:

"Builds character!" (the all-purpose explanation)

"Jelly with my peanut butter? That would be bourgeois decadence!"

"You're a savage."

"That is rude, crude, lewd, and socially unacceptable!"

John Ganter, '81

I still think of the 7th grade winter survival camping trip at the Genessee Farm as one of my best experiences at Friends. My parents got me one of those stupid new "space blankets" that on the first night ended up making me sweat inside my sleeping bag, which then promptly froze on apparently one of the coldest winter nights ever recorded in Baltimore history on that day of the year. Aaron Adams was in the group and had already started a fire predawn, and I was able to thaw out and not die on the spot. I think I was the only non-Boys Scout in the group that included Tim McGraw and Steve Platt. Then dawn started behind the bare, fresh snow-covered hill above us to the east below tons of stars, and I remember feeling totally amazed and at peace. No sounds except for the crackling fire. Later that day, Tom LaMonica took my sleeping bag and dried it out, and I was able to stay while a couple other classmates were sent home with hypothermia.  

Andrew Feng ‘83

I still laugh whenever I see my old t-shirt from Genesee Valley, "We're outstanding in our field." Classic LaMonica, despite all the fiery motivational speeches he could also be rye and understated. He often had a wink and a smile to go along with his jokes whether they were about his distaste for soccer or love of biology and anatomy.

Tom LaMonica and Pieter DeSmit were my most influential faculty members during 13 years at Friends.  Tom had this amazing ability to always be present and in the moment. I never saw him in a hurry or rushed which in retrospect is pretty incredible considering he coached lacrosse, wrestling, and football, taught P.E., ran the farm and the outdoor learning center, had five children, and one heck of a commute.  He also had this quality that drew people to him and made one want to work as hard as possible for him.  I've never had a job at which I worked more diligently than when I was a Sherpa out at Genesee Valley. I spent three summers out there cutting wood, weed whacking, baling hay, building fence, tending to the animals, and busting my hump.  Jamie Johnston and I used to cut wood with a splitter attached to the front end loader for what seemed like weeks on end. Tom would send us off each morning with some motivation and we always strove to impress him with the hope that at the end of the day he would come out, see all the wood we'd cut, and tell us that we'd set a new two man Genesee Valley record for splitting wood. I can still picture him on one of those huge mowers out there cutting the grass, back straight and head high, he loved to mow those for fields for hours.  The irony was that he paid us only $20 a day! Looking back we probably should have done it for free but Tom wanted us to feel rewarded for all of our hard work when his praise was more than enough. 

Even though I was soccer crazy Tom spent one summer out at the farm trying to convince me that I should play football instead.  How great would it be to flout convention, show everyone you're an individual, start a revolution, etc. It was hilarious and probably would have worked I hadn't had DeSmit in the other ear. I am in shock that he's gone because in my mind he's still a young man out running the farm and motivating students at Friends.

There are lots of famous quotes from Tom but the one that always makes me smile is:

"Perkins, despite what other people say about you I like you, I really do, I think you're a good person."

Thanks Tom, I liked you too.

Myles Perkins ‘94

There's no question when you're playing sports that some people are more talented than others.  Some players have all the talent, while others have nothing but heart and effort.  I was one of those players that had no discernable talent, but I loved playing and put everything that I had into it.  Tom did a lot of little things to make everyone feel part of the team and feel that their contributions were valuable, regardless of how good you actually were that always meant a great deal to me.  Tom would pull people aside and compliment them for their work ethic and so on, and he never gave up on trying to get me to play football, despite the fact that I'm barely 5'8" and have no business playing football.  Tom would always respond with some along the lines of, "you lift weights, run and train year round.  You work hard all the time and makes you a real athlete and an important part of the team no matter how good you can play." 

Tom even took pains to rename the substitution groups on the lacrosse team as A-Team, Mad Dog, and Bomb Squad.  Now we all knew that A-Team was first string, Mad Dog was second string and so on, but it was great to have a coach who saw no value in making that distinction.  I was also very fond of how said we would need to view lacrosse as Friends School Students:

"Men - lacrosse is a Native American game that was played as a form of preparation for war.  But since we're a Quaker school, we'll just consider it preparation for defense."

Tom Lamonica was the best coach I have ever had.  He will be missed.

Wade Shelton '95

I have many great memories of Coach LaMonica, but there is one that I think about often.  Freshman year I was cut from JV basketball.  It was the first time I had been cut from a team and I was really upset.  The next day I ran into Tom in the gym and he simply said, "Maalox (Tom's nickname for me) you are wrestling for me this winter since you aren't playing basketball.  You need to stay in shape for lacrosse this spring.  See you at practice tomorrow at 3:30."

We did not have a discussion.  Tom simply made a decision for us.  Rather than moping around all winter, I spent the winter working my butt off in the wrestling room.  It was exactly what I needed.  It taught me that there are always options and when you fall you need to pick yourself up and keep going.

I would also like to share my favorite Tom LaMonica quote.  Every time we used to take water breaks in lacrosse he used to announce them with, "Take five, expect three, get one."

Mike Malin ‘98

When I considered all of the time that I spent on Friends School playing fields and in its Wrestling room, I concluded that, probably, I spent more time with Tom than any other teacher at Friends. His speeches on every subject from "the will to prepare to win..." to "never giving up no matter what the score" were the stuff of gigantic American flags and background music. Tom was fond of putting us in situations that looked impossible and demanding of us that we do our best, try our hardest and carry ourselves like men.  Almost certainly, most of us never appreciated such experiences until that moment - years later - when it dawned on us that life frequently demanded of us the same things.

My favorite Tom memory does not even involve sports. Most of us in my sixth grade homeroom were fairly gleeful to learn that Tom would be our science teacher.  After all, he was that cool gym teacher with the cave of an office, who called us "gentlemen," and let us refer to him by his first name.  Finally, we gushed, a teacher who "gets us." So, we charged into the first quarter having a great time, yucking it up with Tom, the cool teacher.  Every so often we would complete one of our assigned tasks. Then came interim reports. Tom failed so many of us that the Middle School administration felt compelled to send home notes with the report cards. We were considerably more diligent after that, but Tom was still Tom. I am not certain how this memory has become such a favorite; however, I suspect that it has to do with how this particular dose of reality was delivered.

Tom's impact on those of us who played and wrestled for him is inescapable.  I hear its traces in the speeches I make to my own kids about perseverance and pushing personal limits. I recognize it in my responses to impossible odds. My time at Friends and the man I am are better for having had Tom as a coach and friend.

Eddie Kane '84

The Genesee Valley Farm crew will remember Tom's recipe for "Rogue Elephant:"  ground beef, eggs, onions with melted American Cheese slices on top.

Dave Alkire ‘81

I remember running bleachers for wrestling and the long Northern Parkway run for lax . . . huddling around for light jokes and conversation in between intense training sessions . . . remembering a time when it was ok to say that someone was worthless and weak and needed to drop and give coach twenty good form pushups . . . two a days with an evening scrimmage session at the LaMonica farm for pre-season soccer camp . . . learning that the "ideal" lacrosse game would be dominated by solid team defense with plenty of picking and cutting on offense but with only a score of 2-1 as a final  . . . when you stuck a good shot in the lacrosse goal he would say you "tickled the twine" . . .  learning that running sprints after a game could only be earned by winning the game . . . being asked to analyze one's play after a game and provide a write up of your strengths and weaknesses . . . but most of all - a true sense of pride and camaraderie when on a LaMonica coached team or gym class and that smile that would always get you to smile back even if at first you didn't want to - we will miss you Tom.

Natt Reifler ‘82

Tom was the most positive thinking person I have ever known. From baling the third cut of hay that scratched you up pretty well, to hacking a quarter mile of fence, scooping up rocks on the field and tossing them on the back of a truck, cleaning up manure from the steer pen, or digging and tamping down post hole fence (holes) in 90 degree heat, he made it all seem worthwhile, important, and fun.

He made everyone else around him feel better about themselves, with no mention of himself or his needs. I never heard him complain about anything. He unfortunately was never my coach or teacher - hard to believe.

But he was always my friend.

Four years ago I visited Friends very briefly with my wife and twin boys. We were on a college visits trip, and  just driving through the campus.  As we were heading to the exit on Charles St., a faculty member recognized me, we all got out of the car, made introductions and shared greetings.

Of course, the faculty member was Tom Lamonica. Godspeed Tommy.

Steven Stuart ' 76

I didn't know Tom as a teacher. I remember him through the eyes of a seventh grader.  The silly things we remember sometimes boggle the mind. Tom was an usher at collection. I remember having a bit of a crush on him, but a more poignant memory is that he clung to wearing white socks long after it had become a fashion faux pas. He was teased good-naturedly by his peers, but he wore those white socks with pride and at least a little defiance.  

Maggy Young ‘72

It is hard for me to say how saddened I am to know Tom is no longer physically here with us.  However, his presence has been and always will be a major part of my life.  

The lessons I learned from his example as a Friends School football coach are ones that have never been far from my conscience and have brought me through some of the toughest times in my adult life.  Lessons in personal accountability, leading by example, teamwork and self discipline are the ones closest to my being.  In the lessons of teamwork and self discipline, Tom always supervised us all while running laps at practice and was quick to have the entire team repeat the event should any member of the group cut a corner of the field thereby shortening the distance.  His motto in this instance is, "Cut corners on the field, cut corners in life."  True.

And if you had a cross word to say about it, there was always a quick, "Don't cuss, call Guss."  Never did meet Guss, but I called his name a few times.

The life lessons I have been taught by Tom have been a major part in defining who I am today and are the same lessons that I will pass on to my children.  For this reason Tom is most certainly still with me and will be with my family forever.

Thank you, Tom.

Wel Leimbach ‘88

So many things about Tom stand out for me, but here are my favorites. 

Several times a season, Tom would bring his football or lacrosse teams over to the girls' field to sing the national anthem before field hockey or lacrosse games, especially for the big rivalry games.  It was such a classic Friends School moment; the boys – nasty, dirty, sweaty – lined up on the sideline singing their hearts out in support of the girls' teams.  I can't imagine anything like it ever happened at any other school, and we have Tom to thank for it. 

My favorite thing about Tom was his smile.  It was more like a smirk, and it came from his eyes.   I can picture it perfectly, and although I've seen Tom often over the last several years, the time I really remember was when I had the opportunity to watch him teach a gym class to a class of first graders.  We all have memories of the "tough" Tom (the stories his former wrestlers tell scare me…), but I'm going to remember the sweet smile on his face as he was leading the little Quakers through tumbling lessons on the mat in the wrestling room.  His eyes were smiling. 

Katie Hearn ‘81

Tom LaMonica was an inspiring coach for many of us in the class of 1979. He was my JV lacrosse coach for my first two years of high school and hosted the memorable football soccer camp at "the Farm" in Parkton. Several of us in the class of 1979 and 1980 were so inspired by him that we followed in his footsteps to the College of Wooster in Ohio -where I had a wonderful experience and played lacrosse for four more years.

What I remember most about Tom LaMonica is that he had the kind of integrity to truly practice what he preached. He said if you hustled and were dedicated you would play. As a somewhat uncoordinated freshman in high school but extremely passionate about lacrosse he gave me a spot on his team and we all played because the team was so small. He inspired us and made us laugh with his jokes and showed us everyday that he loved working with young people. I was one of six midfielders. We ran hard at practice, to exhaustion in games and ran more after our games if we won. He explained that we ran to celebrate. As a coach he wanted to win but never ran up the score on another team. He was truly an example of good sportsmanship. He was only hard on us if we acted superior to another played or thought of ourselves as the greatest.

I also remember a great moment at his home in Parkton on the farm. It was during the week of Football soccer camp. The weather was hot and humid and we slept in cots set up in a cleaned out Bull stall. One evening the senior boys were visiting him at his house. It was an unusual moment when the soccer players and football players were together. I believe Tom wanted us to work together and break down some of the animosity that had developed between the teams. Tom spoke to us and told us we were "the Core" of the school. He made us feel important and to celebrate we began doing pushups. He was doing pushups with us and I remember him saying "can you do ten more for the Core?" It was a great moment of togetherness and we were all sore the next day from doing several hundred pushups. I imagine Mike Stern, Alex McClung, Mitchell Holland and others remember that moment.

To this day I think of Tom often especially as I coach a high school lacrosse team. I often use his words and try to emulate his philosophy. A guy that gets ground ball is more important than the guy that scores unassisted goals. I only wish he could have come up to observe my rag tag lacrosse team up here in Northern Vermont.

One thing is for sure.  Tom's philosophy and words of motivation live on in so many of us it will be a long, long time before he is forgotten!

Tom Forster ‘79

This is truly sad news. My favorite memory of Mr. LaMonica is from Lower School camping trips to Genesee Valley where he would orchestrate square dancing in the barn at night. It was great fun and something that I will never forget.

Alum, Class of 2001

My fondest memories of Tom LaMonica are from the wrestling room and Genesee Valley Farm.  As a little kid at Friends, I knew very little about what happened at other schools.  I suppose I must have assumed that all little girls learned how to wrestle and square dance.  To this day, I remember sitting in a circle with my classmates at Friends, as Tom called out instructions and we practiced basic wrestling moves on a friend. 

It was in that same wrestling room that we also learned how to square dance.  Tom LaMonica stood above all of us, in the corner with the microphone, calling out "Promenade your partner....Now promenade your corner....Do- si-do...All join hands and circle to the left..."  Though the wrestling room provided a mere practice area for us, we put our square dancing skills into full effect during barn dances on Genesee Valley camping trips.  I will always treasure many fond memories from those trips. 

Amy Benson ‘97

During our junior year the Mixed Chorus' spring production was "Camelot".    The musical called for Pellinore to first appear on stage with his large dog.  Tom had a great white Pyrenees that was perfect.  Tom's dog was huge but gentle without stage fright.   Not wanting the dog to experience the stage and lights for the first time opening night, Tom brought him in for rehearsals each weekend.  Tom, however, drove a VW Beetle and the dog didn't fit in the front seat and couldn't get into the back seat.  Tom had to take out the passenger seat for the dog to ride with him.   What a sight that made for the other drivers on I-83.  Tom driving and the dog sitting upright on the floor next to Tom where passenger seat was supposed to be.

All went well during the rehearsals but during opening night when Pellinore, played by David Lasagna, received much laughter from the audience.  Tom's dog startled and looked out at the audience and barked loudly.  David played it cool and managed to work the barking into his part.

Jane Thursby ‘67

As a teacher, Tom was tough but fair.

As a coach, Tom was the first person to ever speak to me about the concepts of personal motivation and mental toughness.  He was my Wrestling and Lacrosse coach and I learned to be successful in those sports.  However, I believe the skills of the mind he taught me have been more valuable throughout my life and beyond the arena of athletics.

As a friend, Tom opened Genesee to me and others at a time when I needed just such an endeavor.  He trusted us to help care for his animals, to work with his equipment...to hit targets such as getting the wood truck loaded by 11:00.  We worked very hard for lunch, Sunday dinner at his mom and dad's, and a very few bucks.  The satisfaction of a job well done, a day's hard work.

As a mentor, (I spoke with Tom of this impact when we last visited a few years back) I have seen in my teaching and coaching that LaMonica is present to my students and players.  We must be tough but fair, internally motivated, strong in the head, and appreciate the opportunity to put forth our best efforts.

"Their horses may be faster than ours, take one with you"

Rob Hawley '81

I did not know Tom when I was at Friends (I graduated long before he did ) but met him when I returned for my 25th Reunion. I was officiating lacrosse and wangled my way into doing the Friends vs. Poly game.  He met me at the gym door and made me feel welcome as an official and alumnus with his gracious and friendly demeanor.  I never had the pleasure of encountering him again but the memory of that day has remained with me all these years.

Tom was not only a credit to Friends School, but more importantly, he was a credit to his family and to himself.

Bob Patterson '59

The Only Thing That's Important:  A Tom Lamonica Pep Talk (Fall 1980)

Alright men, bring it in – this is our last chance to prepare for our last game of the season!

Let's start with Kickoff Receiving team.  OK, I want Maus here, Conway here… And on the kickoff, I want you to catch the ball!  We worked all last week on catching the kickoff.  I want you to get that ball and put it under your arm … and jam it under your armpit, and I don't care if you take it with two hands and go like this (cradles it with both arms and leans forward).  I WANT YOU TO RUN STRAIGHT (rams into shower room door with head and shoulder) … SO WHEN YOU GET THROUGH (from the shower room) YOU'VE SUCCESSFULLY RECEIVED A KICKOFF AND ADVANCED IT!  (returns to locker room)

Ya know Andy Falcon, last game, ran 25 yards this way (goes left), 30 yards this way (goes right), and made TWO YARDS; when it would have been easier to run three yards straight.

Scott, you've gotten down holding the ball very well, but you still have a tendency to slow up when they're about to hit you…  Now I'm sure many of you are taking high school physics, and you know that the greater force will deliver the greater blow and receive less Pain!

You know, there are 11 different wars going on out there on the field at one time; and we coaches don't get to see them all...  Sure, we always get to see plays like this (draws fervently on the chalkboard) when you poor outside linebackers and cornerbacks miss your responsibilities.  But we don't always get to see you linemen fighting it out in the trenches.  Of course, everyone sees Great Men like Scott Gossage – the middle linebackers – who are able to do their jobs, if you do your job, and can make great tackles so they can live up to their great reputations!   So as long as you do your job, that's the only thing that's important!  (starts yelling)  BECAUSE I DON'T CARE IF WE WIN ... I DON'T CARE IF WE SCORE … I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE ADMINISTRATION … I DON'T CARE ABOUT HOW MANY OF US ARE ON THE RED CROSS SQUAD … AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO QUIT THE FOOTBALL TEAM!

You know a guy came up to me today and said, "Why are you guys playing tomorrow when you know they'll smear you?"  And I said, "Why have we been playing FOR THE LAST FOUR YEARS??"

Well, I'll tell you why:  It's so we can go out each week and have an opportunity to make the perfect block … to make the perfect catch … to make the perfect play.  And that's what we're going out there to do!  I don't care about Severn not wanting to play us because they think they're TOO BRUTAL.  I don't care about them wanting to cancel the game…  Because we're going to go out there tomorrow and kick some ass!   We're gonna kick some ass!  And in the process of kicking some ass, we're gonna get our asses kicked!

Now this is the last chance for you seniors to ever play football…  This is your last chance to kick some ass … and to take someone with you.  Because men, that's what Football at Friends School is all about – taking someone with you!

Epilogue:  An inspired team commenced practice that day at 3:30.  In their game the next day ... they lost.

Larry Smith ‘83

I have been an educator for 20 years now. First, an outdoor/adventure educator, then an environmental educator, to expeditionary instructor, classroom teacher and now a mom. I have always said GVOLC and Tom Lamonica started me down that path. Tom knew just how to encourage, just how to push and just how to facilitate individual growth. Over the years, I have placed that same task as a priority in my own teachings. I am forever grateful for sunny days zip-lining into the lake, repelling, jumping off the Pamper Pole and digging holes for the Stump Jump. Tom, you taught me so much! You and your family are in my thoughts.

Maria Klein '90

Despite the fact that I was far from a star athlete at Friends due to a complete lack of competitive spirit in that area, I did excel at one time under Mr. LaMonica's tutelage in outdoor education.  In Upper School gym we elected different areas of interest for six week terms.  By process of elimination, I chose outdoor education ( I think I was the only girl in my section) and loved it.  My favorite memory is rappelling out of the third floor art studio onto the grass behind the Upper School building.  On the farm, during one of the camping trips, I held my breath and was exhilarated by the zip line over the lake.  

Tom had the ability to instill self-confidence along with the basic knowledge needed to learn a skill and a freedom to discover oneself.

Christianne Myers '88

He was always "Tom" to all of us students... even in the more formal days.

On JV lacrosse, as soon as we saw him start walking out of the locker room (a pretty long walk of 300 yards or so to the JV field), we captains got the team in an immediate warm up run and stretching because if we didn't, we RAN like there was no tomorrow.  He was the first coach at Friends that really taught me discipline, even though it was fear based!

I remember his Square Dancing calls-- swing your partner, do- si-do your partner, etc. He made square dancing cool... and I was dancing with girls starting in 3rd grade!  Tom liked to get us out of our comfort zones.

I'll send more along as I think of them.

Wilson Felter ‘90

My brother played football  and was on the wrestling team under coach Tom Lamonica. I remember every August my brother would participate in football camp at the Lamonica farm for two or three weeks. A couple of summers, Mr. Lamonica allowed my cousin  to attend with my brother. Tom was in excellent physical shape and was a great role model for health and happiness. My family and I enjoyed the annual Bull Roast and canoeing on the lake.  Even though I was not coached by Tom, he had a great presence in my life while  I attended Friends School.

Noelle Stills ‘82

In the 24 hours since I heard the news, Tom has been constantly on my mind.  I've been thinking about all the ways one of my favorite teachers was part of my entire 13 years at Friends and how he influenced who I am.  There are too many to list here, but one of the lessons I always remember from Tom's JV lacrosse coaching was: "Don't think, react!".  This summarizes the idea that we can train our minds to do things that if we stopped to think about first, we'd never be able to do. It's a lesson that has come into play in many of my post Friend's endeavors and is in somewhat direct opposition to all other education where we are taught to think first.  But Tom was never one to go with the flow: always referencing the military in a Quaker school, or having us run sprints right after winning a lacrosse game, and that is what made him so fun and made his lessons, which proved important in life, stick with us. 

I am very glad, now, that I made it a point to say hi to Tom last time I was on campus, but am saddened now to think that I won't get to see him again and experience a personality that is warm and friendly, yet so uniquely Tom.  I will miss you Tom. 

Matt Warshawsky ‘89

I graduated in the class of 1998.  Tom was my JV lacrosse coach our freshman year along with Rich Seiler; his son Mike was still at Friends and on the team.  We were good that year (I don't remember our record, but very few losses) - Tom used to have us run sprints after a victory.  We all thought it to be ridiculous at the time (we would have to run a shuttle for every goal we won by) but now I find it to be hilarious.  Just kind of one of things you remember - Tom yelling at us to pick it up after routing another team - makes me chuckle to this day.  I also had the pleasure of working on the farm up at Genesee.  I remember Tom laying out under a tree napping in the shade - pretty sure it was one of his favorite things to do.
Tom was a good man - he will be missed.

My condolences to his family.

Jamie Hubbard ‘98

My heart sank in hearing this news.  

There are only a handful of people that have the ability to affect you throughout your life long after you have known them. Tom LaMonica was such a person for me. Just before the end of my 9th grade year at Baltimore Friends, Tom invited my buddy Claire Mikolayunas and I to come work for the summer as "Sherpas" at Genessee Valley Farm. How he knew at that point that both Claire and I would thrive there, I'll never know. 

That first summer we slept in a hay loft above a few cows. Each morning after chores entailing bottle feeding calves and collecting eggs, we met Tom to learn what we were going to accomplish for the day. The chores were befitting of our "Sherpa" job title often involving heavy lifting, poison ivy, and hard work in the sun. Despite our lack of experience, Tom trusted Claire and I to drive tractors, herd cattle, maintain the orchard and garden, and operate farm machinery. He would often help us with these projects initially and then "leave us to it." Tom's love of the land and joy in every day tasks was imparted to us while working side by side or bouncing along on the wheel of a tractor. He felt that tobacco fields and graveyards were a waste of beautiful farm land and that things were worth more when there was sweat involved in accomplishing them. 

Claire is now the sheep extension specialist for the state of Wisconsin and runs her own sheep farm and I am farming for the farmers market in Durango, CO.  I have no doubt that both Claire and my love of farming and the confidence to pursue careers as farmers is due to Tom's simple words of wisdom and his ability to trust us on his farm when we were kids.

Linley Smith ‘96

When my daughter Lisa phoned from Friends (where she and husband David MacGibeny teach) with the awful news of Tom's death, she was in tears--and soon I was too.   Tom was a major presence in our family, especially for my son Andy Lott.  Starting from when Andy began to work at "Tom's Farm" at age 11 through Andy's many years of wrestling (I had serious Mom-Withdrawal-Symptoms for literally years after Andy graduated when Mom's whole winter was no longer in thrall to the exhausting, exhilarating "season") to Andy's vet-school education and  his career as an equine veterinarian,  Tom helped--probably more than any other one individual--to steer the course of Andy's life.      

My gratitude to Tom is immense.   I will miss him greatly.  We all will.

Clarinda Harriss ‘56

To the family, friends, alumni and students of the Friends School Community I am deeply saddened to hear about the passing of Coach LaMonica. The physical education and coaching industry has lost an icon in the world of athletics.  For a person to give so much of his own personal time to coach football, wrestling, and lacrosse over the years, just shows you how much Coach Lamonica cared about developing and having an impact on the lives of young men in the Friends Community. Coach LaMonica will be deeply missed not only at the Friends School, but also throughout the MIAA and Baltimore Metro Area. I know I will miss seeing him on the sideline or in the stands at our football and baseball games (with St. Vincent Pallotti). The whole community of the Friends school is in my thoughts and prayers. Please remember that he is in better place watching over us. It is sad to see him go, but I am sure he would want us to celebrate his life as though he just won a game in life (the many games and matches he won) on the athletic field. If there is anything I can do, please feel free to let me know.

Pat Courtemanche

St. Vincent Pallotti High School

Tom was a great football coach, and I remember fondly--and have since tried to apply in my life--his simple but powerful exhortations: "Everything in moderation," and "Practice doesn't make perfect; PERFECT practice makes perfect." 

Jay Underwood '87

When I was an upperclassmen at Friends, our football team was going through a difficult time because of some major injuries and other challenges. There was serious talk of forfeiting the season and I was honestly ready to walk. Lacrosse was my primary sport and I did not want to risk an injury for a struggling football team. After a canceled practice, a meeting was held in the locker-room to determine our team's future. Other coaches calculated the logistics of our circumstances and moderated forgettable discussions. After all players finished chatting, Coach LaMonica stood up.

I do not remember exactly what he said to us, but I will never forget his passionate declamation that our purpose as men and teammates was to "endeavor to persevere." He changed the way I saw sports for that season – not as a game – but as a process in building communal accomplishment.

Coach LaMonica was patient with many peoples' approaches to learning everything from tackling to square dancing. Coach was the most brilliant strategist and clever play-caller I have ever had. Friends football almost always scored the first (if only) touchdown within seconds of play -- a strategy that built team excitement early in lopsided games. Although we had many tough seasons, Coach could always find a way for us to enjoy being a fighting Quaker.

I am honored to have had such a creative and dedicated educator teach me to play with integrity. I am sure Coach LaMonica will have a lot of Hail Marys up there to catch from generations of Quaker students and athletes.

Jordan H. Taler, '03

I remember all the laps, laps around the tennis courts, laps around the bleachers when it was cold out and sickeningly hot in the gym.  But it made us all realize what we could accomplish and therefore stronger.  Great personality that guy had.

Bill Martien ‘82

This is horrid news, and clearly sudden or early. I am sure you have a great deal to do, but if and when the time arises that the school or alums begin talk of a Scholarship or honor, I would very much like to be included in the discussion. Tom was one of the greatest influences during my Friends years, from the farm to the field to the wrestling mat to his ever-present demand for 'Esprit de corps.'

It mattered more that you were a team than the outcome of the game.

My condolences,
Holter Graham ‘90

When our son David Ball was awarded a McCormick "Unsung Hero" award, Mr. LaMonica took time out of his busy schedule to attend the awards ceremony.  This was an unexpected pleasure for us and David was both pleased and honored that his coach would acknowledge him in this way. It was a mark of the gentleman that he was and his dedication to the students he coached.

Deborah Armstrong

I was very saddened to hear of the death of Tom LaMonica.  Tom was the best coach I had at Friends School - and I had many excellent coaches.  As I have gotten involved in coaching youth sports myself I have often thought back on what Tom did so well and have tried to emulate him.

I know that Tom was a mentor to many young men at Friends.  He and I never had that kind of relationship.  For me Tom was a coach who treated me with respect and with an understanding of who I was. He was my football coach for four years and my JV lacrosse coach for two years.  Tom emphasized above all teamwork and team spirit on those teams.  One football practice he went on and on about "sprit di core" and how "sprit di core" was essential on winning teams.  Only after about half of practice did those of us who were studying French finally figure that he was talking about esprit de corps in his particular way of talking.

The year that stands out for me was my sophomore year on JV lacrosse, the spring of 1975.  We had a good team, but the most talented sophomores had been taken up to varsity and several of the freshmen started the season believing they should be on varsity too.  Tom was not a "lacrosse guy" - wrestling was his love I think.  He knew the game, but was not an expert on tactics and could not demonstrate fancy moves.  Instead, he methodically went about making us a great team.  He took only 14 of on the team, so we all played all the time. He made us the hardest working team among the 7-8 lacrosse teams practicing on the Friends fields every afternoon.  We always ran more sprints than any other team and we practiced longer than the varsity did.  We ran sprints after games.  After away games we took the bus home, got off the bus and ran sprints, while our parents waited in the parking lot to take us home.  We practiced in all weather.  Tom convinced us we were an elite lacrosse team, we were in better shape than anyone, we were better looking and better dressed ("teams that look like shit play like s*#!"), that we played harder and played better together than any other team in the league.  He was always positive and always confident.  This was great stuff for 15 year old boys.

We ripped through the MSA B conference, winning almost every game easily.  There was one close game, tied at halftime, and we all came to the sidelines at halftime in a bit of a panic.  Tom made a few minor adjustments and said "you are going to win" and told us to relax, throw the ball around a bit during the break, and just go out and play the second half.  We won.  We went undefeated (10-0, I think) in the B conference and played several close games against A conference teams like Gilman and Boys' Latin.  I went on to play two years of varsity and fours years in college, all of which I loved, but when I think back on my lacrosse career I most often think of that glorious spring of 1975, with Tom LaMonica calmly telling us before each game that we were a good team and we would win as a team, which is what we did, game after game.

Marc Forster '77

Knowing Tom as I did, I would hope that those of you who are - or were - students, find comfort appreciating that you were one of the happiest parts of his life -   Mr. B.

George Benson

Tom LaMonica was like a father to me. I remember in 1974 when he invited me for the first time to come out to the farm. I had joined the wrestling team and he took me under his wing. He taught me to work hard, getting up before dawn to do chores, feeding the cows, splitting wood, baling hay, building split rail fences. He helped me to build character during the many summers that I worked for him on the farm, wrestled for him on the mats, hustled for him on for football and lacrosse fields. He was a tough man to please sometimes. And if I complained or whined about being tired, he would tease me, telling me that I was crying for my mom. I remember the first time I helped him bale hay. I was just a little kid, maybe 85 lbs, trying as hard as I could to keep up, grabbing the bales that almost weighed as much as me and stacking them as best I could, the way he had told me to. He would often kid me in years later about that first time. I wanted so much to please him; I wanted him to be proud of me. I often felt I wasn't good enough, but also knew I was one of his boys. Tom was my mentor, and he will always live in my heart.

Greg Clark ‘80

Mr. LaMonica, or "Tom" – as we all referred to him – was a great teacher and coach and he had a profound impact on my education at Friends.  To the many students who have attended Friends during the past 40 years, Tom was an iconic figure.  Tom was a wise man who seemed to have a speech or "pep talk" for everything.  He also had a fun-loving spirit and he cared deeply about the educational development of all of the students he taught and coached.

            I first met Tom when I came to Friends in 1988 after moving from Ann Arbor, Michigan.  I was in third grade and I happened to be in the same class as Tom's oldest son, Mike.  Mike and I became friends and I got to know Tom both through P.E. class at Friends and my friendship with Mike.  Third grade is around the time when Tom started "recruiting" me to play high school football at Friends.  Being a kid from Ann Arbor, Michigan at the time – where college football is a big deal – the thought of getting to play football for Tom was a big, exciting dream. 

            Over the next several years, my relationship with Tom grew.  My classmates and I at Friends would take annual camping trips to Tom's farm, Genesee Valley.  I have wonderful memories of the days we spent out at Genesee Valley and I developed a greater appreciation for nature because of my time at Genesee.  During one of those camping trips, Tom hosted a "square dance" in one of his barns.  I think everyone in my class still remembers how throughout the square dance, Tom would say into the microphone:  "promenade!" or "dosey-doe your partner!"

            My relationship with Tom also grew when I took up wrestling in Middle School.  From about seventh grade through high school, I would see Tom every day after school during the winter months for wrestling practice.  Wrestling was the most challenging sport I ever tried, but in Tom's opinion wrestling was the "greatest sport" and I think that was because it was so challenging compared to other sports. 

            In high school, I eventually got to live my dream of playing football.  The many fall days I spent practicing and playing football games for Tom and the other coaches at Friends (Michael McVey and Mr. Meredith, among others) are some of my happiest memories at Friends.  Through playing football for Tom, I learned the all important lesson that when you get knocked down, you get up and keep playing.  And if you get knocked down again, you get up again and you keep playing; you simply never give up in pursuing victory. 

            The most memorable victory I had as a football player for Tom also was my very last football game for Tom.  It was the last football game of my senior year and we defeated Gilman's junior varsity.  The soccer players at Friends liked to poke fun at the football players because we played other school's J.V. football teams sometimes, but Gilman's J.V. actually had more players and coaches than we had, and their J.V. players were also bigger than our players.  There is no question we went into that last away game against Gilman as the underdogs, but our team of about 25 well-coached and well-conditioned players beat Gilman decisively. 

            To this day, I still remember being at football practice late one hot fall day and it was the end of practice so Tom was giving us a speech, which is something he did routinely.  We had just finished wind sprints and all of us were hot and tired and we were hoping Tom would just tell us that we did a good job and could go home.  But Tom said to us:  "Men, if there is one thing I want you to remember, it's that being on this football field is a privilege.  It's a privilege to be able to play football for Friends School!"  His point was that because playing football for Friends is a privilege, it was important that we work as hard as we possibly could every day at practice.  Tom also intended the message to carry over to my school work:  it was a privilege to be getting an education at Friends, to be able to go to college, and to graduate school.  It was important that I work as hard as I possibly could in school.  I never forgot that speech and Tom's message has carried over to my career:  it is important that I work as hard as I possibly can in my chosen career to support a family and to make a positive difference in the world.   

            My brother, Jamie ('94), recalls a similar speech that Tom gave his team when Jamie played for Tom on the J.V. lacrosse team in high school.  Tom was making the players run laps around the field and as they ran Tom told them:  "You all could be paralyzed right now – it's a privilege to be able to run around a field!  You are lucky to be able to run!"  Jamie also recalls one of Tom's favorite sayings when telling his players to spread out on the field:  "Spread out!  One grenade will get you all!" 

            Tom liked to give nicknames to his players, and one of the nicknames he gave me was:  "Jumpin Joe Johnston."  I can still recall Tom calling out "Jumpin Joe Johnston!" as we would encounter each other on campus at Friends. 

            Tom gave another memorable speech or "pep talk" to me and some other teammates before a wrestling match in high school.  We were in the locker room before the match and Tom said to us:  "Now, look, this whole thing about other schools putting Friends' sports teams down because we're the Quakers, and because Quakers don't believe in war – I want you all to know that's a bunch of nonsense and you should just forget about it.  Just because Quakers don't believe in war, that doesn't mean they don't know how to fight.  Quakers are the greatest fighters – they have been fighting and standing up for their beliefs since their religion began!"

            Tom had an indomitable spirit for Friends School athletics and for Friends in general.  Tom's spirit for winning and coaching is why so many of his players loved to play for him.  He was a supreme motivator and he motivated me to make the most of every bit of athletic talent I had.  By all accounts my athletic ability was average, but with Tom's coaching I became a good athlete and I went on to play Division III lacrosse in college.  Tom also had a wonderful sense of tradition and I always remember how in his office and in the wrestling room, Tom posted pictures on the wall of previous Friends athletes and coaches from many years past.  Through those pictures, I realized that Friends has a rich athletic tradition and that by being on the football, wrestling and lacrosse teams at Friends, I was becoming a part of that rich tradition. 

            As I look back on my time with Tom, I now realize how truly fortunate I was to have had him as a teacher, coach, and friend.  Tom had a deep passion for teaching and coaching and his commitment to excellence was an inspiration for the thousands of students at Friends whom he taught and coached.  Tom was a truly loyal servant for Friends and a great teacher and Friends has suffered an irreplaceable loss.  During my athletic career, which spanned approximately 16 years and included soccer, football, wrestling and lacrosse, I had many great coaches, but Tom was the greatest one of all.  

            I, along with many others, including my brother Jamie, will miss Tom dearly.  Through my friendship with Mike and Dan LaMonica, I know Tom was a wonderful father, grandfather, husband, son, brother, and uncle.  Anyone who was lucky enough to work for Tom out at Genesee Valley came to know that Tom was incredibly devoted to his family and the farm.  Tom's parents, who he referred to as "Chief" (his father) and "Babe" (his mother), also lived on the farm and they had a close relationship.  My brother Jamie recalls Tom telling him once that he had never spent a single night away from the farm during his life except for when he was in the military.  Tom was a very special person and my heart goes out to Tom's entire family for their loss.

Joe Johnston ‘98 

In the midst of a wonderfully progressive place, Tom LaMonica was old school in all the right ways. His playful scowl and boomerang humor were always something we could count on when us boys - and it was mostly boys due to his office being right next to the boys locker room - entered the gyms. I can't remember a teacher who was ever more himself day in and day out: red Jeep, high socks and a duck's back off of which anything rolled right off. 

To be honest, I can't imagine Tom in a faculty or admin meeting debating interpretable pedagogical theory but I'll never forget him offering earnest and no-nonsense advice to students yearning for straight answers.  I'll miss him. 
Best,

Spencer Deering

I will always remember how selflessly Mr. LaMonica opened up his home for us students.  Whether it was a rowdy fourth grade Field Day or a night spent stargazing with the Astronomy Club, trips to Mr. LaMonica's farm were always a treat.  The possibilities for exploration in those woods were infinite.  Even to this day, that place is the setting in my mind whenever I read about the outdoors.
Jacob Wilcock '03

He would walk the gym locker room with Febreze and if you smelled bad enough he would hose you down with it.

Andrew Kirkpatrick ‘14

The weather today perfectly reflects my mood as I reflect on the news of Tom passing away. It is hard to believe because of the image that I have had of Tom since we first met many years ago. He was always so up, so vibrant, and certainly full of himself more often than not. We coached football together for several years and became fast friends.

The influence that Tom had on the boys was amazing. I can not remember how many young men he took to Genesee Farms and but I can remember how many came back as men. My Varsity teams were always well prepared, thanks to his disciplined approach to the game of lacrosse. We used to laugh at him (certainly not in front of the boys) for his "yawn ball" offense. He would meticulously work the ball until a slam dunk shot appeared and then and only then would he allow the players to shoot. Did it work? You bet. To the tune of several championship JV Teams and the passage of two Championship teams to me at the Varsity Level.

All that aside, Tom's greatest asset was his devotion to Friends and the education of young men and women. He will be hard to replace, just as Mr. Nick was hard to replace. I assume that, at one point, we will feel the same way about my friend Randy Cooper. These men are icons of an era. They leave an indelible mark on a school and make it what it is, a great place to have your son or daughter sit at the feet of role models of a greater kind. While I have not seen Tom for years, I will always remember our time together as teachers, coaches and friends. My thoughts are with his family and the Friends School family.

Carl Ortman

I was lucky enough to have Tom as my teacher or coach for almost my entire time at Friends.  One of my earliest and happiest memories was in third grade when we had Gym for the first period of the day on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays.  Yes, starting the day off with Gym was a treat, but the absolute best part was getting in line and walking over to the gym first thing in the morning with Mr. LaMonica – the cool Gym teacher.  As a boy growing up at Friends, Tom was my first, most influential, and most positive male role model.  Beyond being my teacher and coach, in a lot of ways he defined for me what it meant to be a man.  Even today, more than 20 years after I left Friends, I see echoes of my favorite parts of Tom – his enthusiasm, his humanness, his encouragement, and especially his good natured orneriness – in the way I interact with my students, friends, and loved ones.

Joaquin Feliciano '89

I'll never forget my sophomore year when I played on the varsity football team for Tom.  We didn't win a single game that season, as we typically played only inner city Baltimore high schools, not in the typical local prep school league.  Most of the players on our team had to play both offense and defense because there was so few of us that played on the team.  

One practice Tom caught me goofing off with several of the other players (thank you Michael Cohen and David Harvey!), and in an effort to teach me a lesson in concentration, he made me the starting running back or tackling dummy depending on your point of view -- for the rest of the practice.  For the next hour, I had to literally run for my life from the upperclassman on defense who were intent on completing Tom's lesson!

After practice, I was so sore, I could barely move my arms and legs.  I remember that as I limped off the field, Tom put his arm around me and said something to the effect, "You played as a real man today on the field.  I'm proud of you, but don't let me catch you goofing off again during my practice."  Looking back, that practice might have been my proudest moment in an otherwise undistinguished athletic career while in high school.  It was a lesson that has stuck with me to this day.    

Christian Hillabrant ‘83

We weren't quite farmers but we weren't camp counselors either. The "Sherpa Crew" was something Tom LaMonica invented to help run Genesee Valley, the farm, not the outdoor learning center. I joined the Sherpa crew at Genesee Valley during summers in high school and for my senior work project in 1996. My older brother had a few friends who had worked there and finally Tom had wised up and decided to hire some female Sherpas. After a long school year, it was a relief to pass the days sweating in the humid, manure scented air of Harford County.

The day would start with routine chores; feeding the animals, collecting eggs from the hen house, watering the horses. These were followed by an assortment of activities including splitting and stacking firewood, tending to Chief and Babe's (farm nicknames for Tom's parents) garden, maintaining fences, bailing hay, driving around the International red tractor or Kubota, picking peaches, mowing the fields or selling produce to the camp parents. On a rare occasion, Chief or Babe would call us into their farm house which stately marked the entrance to the farm. Babe would sneak us a glass of lemonade while Tom thought we were out sweating in the garden. She wanted to make sure Tom wasn't "working you young girls too hard."

Tom was working us hard, but that was exactly his plan. He was instilling values and work ethics that would remain with us for the rest of our lives. He taught us how to maintain the delicate balance of an agricultural ecosystem. He trusted us to care for his property and machinery. He showed us the simple beauties in a family farm: fresh eggs, tree-ripened peaches, lake swimming, just to name a few.

We would sleep above the barns with mice scurrying through the walls and the occasional moo from a recently weaned calf, a far cry from the Charles Street neighborhoods we lived in during the school year.  These summer nights were just the beginning of the time we would spend dreaming about what would happen later in life. I've continued to work on farms in Indiana and Oregon and eventually pursued a doctoral degree in plant ecology with an interest in grasslands. I firmly believe that my days as a Sherpa lead me to this point in my career and hobbies. I hope to find a similar place and mentor for my children someday so that they too may learn how to drive a tractor, embrace manual labor and to respect and love rural landscapes as Tom taught me to do.

Lydia Ries O'Halloran ‘96

I don't have a specific memory, but I can certainly tell you that Tom LaMonica was definitely an imposing and impressive figure to a young man in high school.  I played three years of varsity football under Coach LaMonica, wrestled several years, and certainly took numerous gyms classes under his supervision.  Coach LaMonica was tough, tough as nails, practices could be grueling, but he was always fair, inspiring and knew how to get the best from his players.  It's a tribute to him that, even 30 years later, I feel absolutely honored to have played for him.  I imagine I am not alone as he inspired many.

Chris Klein '80

I have fond memories of Middle School camping trip at his camp, especially the winter one.    

John Miles ‘93

I graduated from Friends School in 1984. I had the pleasure of knowing Tom during my 10 years at Friends School. Tom was my Varsity Lacrosse coach for 3 years. I loved playing for Tom and had a lot of respect for him. Tom had a great sense of humor and related well to all those that he coached. To Tom it was more about your character and your heart then your talent.  He was not afraid to challenge you to work harder and get better as a team. Tom used to say I know when you guys are working on your stick handling because I will get phone calls from Mrs. Birdsong the librarian about broken windows.

The biggest impact that Tom had in my life was off the field. One day in the fall of my senior year Tom called me into his office. Early in the fall I had decided to go to Washington College to play lacrosse. Tom asked me if I would be interested in looking at the College of Wooster where Tom had attended and started the Lacrosse program. I told Tom that I would look into it. One visit and I was hooked. That recommendation had a huge impact on my life.  I got a great education. I had a great lacrosse career. However the best thing about taking Tom's advice was the fact that I met my wife Robyn whom I will be married to for 20 years this December.

Frank Windsor ‘84

When I coached lacrosse with Tom, he decided one year that it would be fun to pull together an alumni lacrosse team. The response was tremendous, and while the camaraderie was more spectacular than the quality of play, that's only because friendship improves with age, while athletic ability tends to deteriorate. That said, the lacrosse was not half bad. On that team I played with teammates of my era like Bucky Gunts and Gary Wedeking, and also some of the older Friends alumni like Jay Stott and Newt Kidd.

Well, once Tom saw what he had, he decided to put it to use to help others. He expanded the roster to include Friends coaches and Carl Ortman, Whit Morrill and Jimmy Gordon suited up. Tom scheduled scrimmages against local colleges and club lacrosse teams who were looking for "extra work".  Suddenly, we found ourselves on the field against Morgan State and Mount St. Mary's with referees, whistles, clocks and a scoreboard. And guess what? We were having so much fun that we were winning. There weren't many of us, but like the '54 Friends team, our commitment to each other enabled us to go the distance. Our experience enabled us to "pace ourselves" and also to switch positions as needed. Because this was a LaMonica operation, after the games, we often went to the other team and with the permission of their coaches, talked to their players about some tendencies they should work to eliminate, some strategies they might want to try. After all, the scrimmage was not about glory. It was to spread the love of lacrosse.   Chip Silverman coached the Morgan State lacrosse team, and in his book, TEN BEARS, he writes of an afternoon his team spent on the field at Friends School, and how his players learned about so much more than lacrosse playing against "Tom LaMonica's Boys".  Good times, good memories.

Frank Bond ‘69

In 1971, it was the last year that the 6th grade was to be part of Friends School's Lower School.  There were only 44 students in the future Class of 1978 and we were divided into two, with the teachers being Carl Ortman and Frances Newbury. Mrs. Newbury was old school, (dress and pearls every day) with English sentence diagramming and structure, enunciation, etc. being her focus. She went out on medical leave in the winter, and in walked the new substitute teacher, Tom LaMonica.

Tom stayed with our class through the end of the year- he was in his very early 20's, weighed about $1.25 , and had a similar interest in English sentence structure as the rest of us. Most significant was what he did when he was away from school for brief periods during the year.

This was the early '70's, and Tom was in the Maryland National Guard. The protests against the Vietnam War were in full force that Winter/Spring throughout the country, and the University of Maryland was no exception. The tragedy at Kent State was a focal point for everyone. Tom's platoon was sent to College Park to assist in keeping the peace.  Tom would return to Friends after his rotation, and tell us how his group spent more time working with the students, (who he reminded us were his age) and that despite what we all saw on the news each night, except for a small group of folks, both the protesters and the National Guard wanted to, and could, each get their point across without the need for escalation.

There was a lot of anger in our country in those days, and if one wasn't willing to look beyond the surface of even the most highly publicized events of the day, you could get it wrong.

Even in his first months as a teacher, Tom LaMonica was able to get that point across.

It is no surprise he went on to make the wonderful 40+ year impression on all of us that he did.

Tim Hearn ‘78

In September of 1973, I was nine months pregnant and just waiting for my oldest son, Greg, to be born.  Tom had told my husband and me to come out to his farm to purchase a side of Angus beef. When we got out to the farm, Tom wanted to show us a cabin that was on the property.  He said that we'd have to get in his Jeep and ride out on an unpaved road to get to the cabin. My husband said he thought that was a great idea as maybe the jolting of the Jeep on the road would have an effect on the baby. So, off we went in the Jeep and it was definitely bouncy! After that, we packed up our meat and went off home. Nothing happened that night but the next day I was off to the hospital and my son was born that night. The downside to the whole thing was that when my husband put all the meat into our freezer, he didn't realize that when food freezes, it can expand. That's what happened and since my husband was distracted with the birth of his first child, he didn't check the freezer, which was in the basement, until a few days later. Big mistake! The meat when it froze popped open the freezer door and all of it spoiled!!  We never told Tom as he would have probably given us more and we didn't want him to know we did such a dumb thing.  I've never forgotten that.

For most of us, memories are our best and most indelible legacies.

JoAnne Gorfine Frankos '65

One shared memory for all of his JV Lax players was being "good enough to run" – his view that a good game either a close loss or a perfect game (a 4-3 or even 3-2 win) deserved to be followed by the privilege of a run; full field 10 or more times (three lines side by side - jog to restraining line sprint to next restraining line jog to end line – re assemble and repeat) – to get the whole visual though you should think of winning an away game and, as a team, running these sprints as "visitors" while the bus to take you home waited for everyone to finish…

My personal favorite though came early in my career – 4^th grade I think – when after multiple days of parading his young "troops" around the upper fields during gym class he announced that hereafter the routine will be called "Band" but little else would change – years later I learned one of the legendary and real Quakers, Bliss Forbush, had pulled him aside and suggested pupils of FS ought not be arranged in military formations…his response was classic Tom.

He worked incredibly hard often up before dawn doing farm work before coming to school, maintained a true open door policy in his office, conscripted many of us to help on the farm during vacations and weekends and led by doing – he could be demanding but was always fair, he was funny, thoughtful and humble – we have all had coaches and bosses – I for one have never had one I wanted to work harder for.

Chris Feiss ‘80